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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24235417">i'll be your nights</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowkissed/pseuds/shadowkissed'>shadowkissed</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>4am thoughts, Best Friends to Lovers, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff Without Plot?, M/M, don't you ever just sit there and think about soogyu holding hands, indulgent writing, lapslock, they're really just holding hands</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:55:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24235417</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowkissed/pseuds/shadowkissed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the four times soobin held beomgyu's hand<br/>and the one time beomgyu finally reached back</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Beomgyu &amp; Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>209</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'll be your nights</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>inspired by <a href="https://twitter.com/ssoogyu/status/1260162393524645888">this</a><br/>the numbers are for each type of holding hands you can see <a href="https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EXz_JTFWAAEkw6-?format=jpg&amp;name=small">here</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> (#3)</p><p>everything started with the touch of a hand. interwoven fingers and hesitance, the painful stretch of time of not knowing when to let go.</p><p>the first time was a simple one.</p><p>beomgyu spotted the hand offered to him first before he saw the owner. he had been looking down on the floor the whole time, drowning in the sound of sneakers’ soles against polished floor and the cheers of trainees who had known each other. it’s always a nightmare to be the new guy.</p><p>he saw the #1 trainee, surrounded by friends who supported him with jealous eyes. he saw the younger trainee with fire burning in his eyes, practicing hard in the corner of the packed studio room. he saw a very young trainee who outshined most of the people in the room with his angelic voice.</p><p>and then he saw <em>him</em>.</p><p>the male looked around his age. sweaty hair sticking to his forehead and limbs too long for himself to control. other than that, beomgyu also noticed a pair of friendly eyes, a dimpled smile, and a hand extended towards the newbie who had been invisible to everyone else.</p><p>“my name is soobin. choi soobin,” he said, not relented by the sharp gaze shot at him by the newbie. “what is yours?”</p><p>“choi yeonjun.”</p><p>“you are not him—“</p><p>“he is amazing.”</p><p>the confused look stayed in his face for three more seconds before a smile overtook his whole visage. at that split second, beomgyu realized that the breathlessness in his chest was not caused by the tiring dance regimen anymore. he also realized that a boy with the power to take his breath away would not be any good to his life.</p><p>“he is. and we are going to be amazing too one day.”</p><p>the voice brought his attention back to his source of problem, and that’s when he noticed soobin’s hand that was still hanging awkwardly between them, not discouraged at the lack of response. that’s when beomgyu knew that he was a stubborn one.</p><p>he might like it. the concept of someone not giving up on him.</p><p>soobin’s hand was bigger, capturing his own easily in its hold when beomgyu reached out for it. and his hand wasn’t the only thing it captured.</p><p>“beomgyu.”</p><p>“huh?”</p><p>“my name is choi beomgyu.”</p><p>accepting the handshake seemed to be one of the best decisions beomgyu had ever made in his life. it was a start of something. the moment certain gears clicked into their rightful place and the stars aligned in a brand-new constellation.</p><p>but there’s nothing like that. in reality, they were only two young boys with dreams too big and hands too small to hold them. so they held each other’s hand instead, and that’s enough for now.</p><p> </p><p>(#8, #4)</p><p>there were a period of training that never seem to end, a lot of nerve-wrecking evaluations, bucket of tears shed, gained trust, and then their debut.</p><p>but there was also a playful regret adorning this period of time. it was always started by beomgyu shouting or jumping in circles out of excitement, or hueningkai’s screams when his plushies got stolen by the same hyung. it was too much energy and laughter in the small dormitory room that shared between five growing boys.</p><p>“okay, enough,” came soobin’s exasperated voice before beomgyu felt a hand catching his own.</p><p>fingers are wrapped firmly around his wrist to hold him back from running after the youngest of them, and he could only blink innocently at the guy who was just appointed as their leader. unfortunately, the pretty eyelashes move did not work quite well on the guy.</p><p>“what? i’m not doing anything,” he was reduced into whining after realizing that he was not being freed anytime soon. “i’m sorry.” he ended up saying that quickly after receiving a glare from the hyung.</p><p>“you should’ve said that to hueningie.”</p><p>“he already forgave me even without that. you’re the only one being so irritating about it?” he huffed, gesturing to the dolphin plushie that was already back on his hand.</p><p>it was presented to him by kai with a subtle guilty smile before he went out to have lunch with everyone else. beomgyu, the unlucky one, had to stay behind in the dorm with his hand tied to soobin who was keeping a watch on him. a punishment, he said. one that’s carried on the hard floor of their living room. but that’s the only difficult part of it.</p><p>“<em>i</em> am the irritating one? rethink that next time you decided to bully our maknae.”</p><p>“it’s not bullying. he knows i love him,” he finally sighed in defeat, letting himself melt against soobin’s side to lean his weight fully against the latter. his cheek pressed against soobin’s shoulder while he wiggled his wrist a little as an attempt to break free. “can you let go of me, at least?”</p><p>“nope. you will run off.”</p><p>“it’s amazing, how much trust you have in me.”</p><p>sighing, soobin finally loosened his grip around beomgyu’s wrist, opting to slide his hand down to loosely wrap around the back of beomgyu’s palm. it felt so natural. beomgyu could feel the slip of soobin’s finger between his own from behind his palm, curling around the inside of his fingers. just a single digit keeping a hold on him from escaping. and it worked only because beomgyu did not really have the intention to run away.</p><p>he remembers thinking that the punishment was not that bad, after all.</p><p> </p><p>because it was the same way soobin held his hand later on as he asked beomgyu to stay behind on an entirely different occasion.</p><p>it was the first time beomgyu saw the leader cry, and it was just a second after the smile dropped from his face. cameras turned off, cheers dying down, and down also the stream of tears that had been building up in soobin’s eyes. beomgyu thought that it would break his heart to see the boy who never cried break down before him, but it only brought a blossoming warmth in his chest, especially as he was held behind from leaving the moment the last camera light went off.</p><p>the fingers were holding his hand from behind, loosely slipping between his fingers as if soobin was hesitating, not wanting to cross the invisible boundary between group mates.</p><p>“what, i thought you don’t want anyone to watch you cry?” he teased, realizing the firming grip on his hand that prevented him from slipping away.</p><p>“don’t watch. just stay here,” soobin kept his head down, pretending like he wasn’t sniffing once every now and then. “maybe you can block everyone’s views.”</p><p>his hopeful heart interpreted the desperate hold as <em>stay. i need you to stay</em>; but this was good enough. for once, he returned the hold, curling his fingers around soobin’s index finger and clung to it that way as he turned his body to face the other way. a small smile toying on his lips.</p><p>it tasted like trust.</p><p> </p><p>(#1)</p><p>it was in front of thousand pair of eyes that soobin <em>actually </em>held his hand for the first time. if his heart was not already dying to explode from the winner announcement, it would have burst right there because of the warm hand engulfing his own in a secure hold.</p><p>the initial move was his hand on the crook of soobin’s arm as they walked up the stage. a silent request flashing across his eyes when their gazes met under the spotlight of the stage. an unvoiced <em>is this okay</em>? is it okay to hold onto the leader when he was trying to contain himself from shaking over his excitement? is it okay to turn soobin into his anchor to reality?</p><p>the answer came when his hand was ripped away. for a split second, his small moment of happiness was depleted. it was brought back in full force when he realized that soobin was repositioning his hand into a better position.</p><p>his hand ended up being engulfed in soobin’s warm hold. a contrast with the cold air of the venue. when their gazes met again, he could see the reply of his request. a confirmation, and more.</p><p><em>it’s always okay if it’s you</em>.</p><p>beomgyu had never felt his heart being so full in his life, to the point that it could burst if he allowed it. even as his eyes were blinded from both soobin’s smile and the lights glaring towards the vast stage. even once his hand was released. the ghost of soobin’s hand stayed as he’d lay down in bed, still too enraptured to will his senses into falling asleep</p><p>that night, as he listened to hueningkai’s soft breathing on the top bunk bed across his own, he realized that the warmth had made it into his heart, mixing with the exhilarating fear, and threatening to bloom into something more dangerous.</p><p>the consequence of wearing your heart on your sleeve: it would be easier for someone to steal your heart from your own hand.</p><p> </p><p>(#6, #2)</p><p>beomgyu likes to think that he was being obvious with his advances.</p><p>his expression of love does not come in strong waves that sweep the other person off their feet. he loves in a silent way. petting soobin’s messy tufts of locks back into place, returning the leader’s wireless earbuds in their case when they were left sitting around, or sitting through one last replay of his favourite song when everyone else tells the poor guy to turn off the song after the eleventh loop.</p><p>and then there was the natural force that drew him in to touch soobin’s hands. it usually happened when they were bored. since soobin always slapped his hand away when he started biting his nails, beomgyu found a new way to keep them occupied.</p><p>it started off with his fingers crawling into soobin’s idle hand, whether it was laid absently on top of his thigh or between their legs. the tip of his fingers would draw nonsense shapes across the expanse of soobin’s bigger palm, and when he got a twitch of reaction, he would lay his hand on top of the leader’s; marvelling in how good they actually looked together.</p><p>soobin’s hands were too pretty to just sit around idle like that, and beomgyu was always there to save them.</p><p>but soobin was always the one who took his hand properly. he never do things half assed, that guy, including when he was unknowingly made beomgyu fall for him.</p><p>most of the times, he wasn’t even looking when his fingers moved, slipping between beomgyu’s own and locking them in a loose yet intimate hold. it always caught beomgyu off guard, especially when soobin forgot that they were holding hands, and he brought their locked fingers up so he could rest his cheek against the top of them.</p><p>soft cheek was pressed against beomgyu’s fingers, and that alone already caused his brain to short-circuit for a second.</p><p>that’s when soobin would catch him staring, mouthing a <em>“what?”</em> at him.</p><p>what formed on the tip of his tongue was this series of <em>i like you. i like you. i like you so much i want to hold your hand and take you out on a date and kiss your stupid lips.</em> but what fell off his lips in his deep voice was: “idiot, let go of my hand.”</p><p> </p><p>and then there were the music dates.</p><p>soobin would allow him to tamper with his comfort playlist, and that’d be beomgyu’s chance to express his feelings without actually confessing.</p><p>he would quietly join soobin on his side as he listened to the songs while dozing off, taking off an earbud from the elder’s ear and tucking it into his own ear. usually soobin would just keep on dozing off, but this time, as beomgyu rested his chin on top of his hand and watched the leader’s sleeping face, there was a flutter to his eyelashes before his eyes snapped open, meeting beomgyu’s own.</p><p>“oh, i like this song.”</p><p>he beamed at that. “i knew you would love it.” <em>i want you to love it. i want you love what i’m feeling for you. </em></p><p>“<em>you love me with a heart different from the world</em>,” hearing that voiced by soobin’s soft voice tightened the strings around his heart, threatening to squeeze it to death. “that sounds like something you would say.”</p><p>“how so?”</p><p>“you like this kind of lyrics, one that express the feelings implicitly, but is beautiful when you understand it,” soobin said, thoughtful. “but it’s hard for me to understand it.”</p><p>of course. soobin is the type who preferred things to be explicitly stated to him. song lyrics, requests, feelings. that was the reason why beomgyu would never be able to get his feelings across. but as long as his little affections and playlist could make soobin feel something. <em>anything</em>. he would be content with that.</p><p>“i guess you don’t like the song,” he said, placing his palm on top of soobin’s chest as a leverage to push himself up. only to be pulled back right where he belonged.</p><p>if there’s one thing about soobin that terrified him, it would be the depth of his eyes, hypnotizing and drawing him in like they were doing at that very moment. they also tell a lot of tales.</p><p>this time, beomgyu did not need to read them to know. he could feel it from the way soobin held his hand. fingers slipping through the gaps of his own and locking them securely on top of his chest, preventing him from leaving.</p><p>this was the most intimate form of holding hands. one that always made beomgyu’s heart beat loudly, painfully against his chest. one that made his heart ache for soobin. one that terrified him profoundly.</p><p>“beomgyu, i—“</p><p>“don’t say it,” he cut abruptly, pressing his fingers on top of soobin’s plush lips. “please don’t.”</p><p>because he was not ready to exchange hope with fear. if he allowed this, every time their hands touched, there will be a blooming fear of letting go instead of a desire for more chances after it ends.</p><p>but the shift was already there, in soobin’s eyes, as beomgyu witnessed something broke. it appeared like a ripple in calm water, and beomgyu was the one who threw the stones.</p><p>even so, soobin didn’t let go of his hand. the hold only tightened as his lips moved soundlessly against his finger. the question formed in his eyes instead of his lips.</p><p>
  <em>if you love me, why won’t you say so?</em>
</p><p>beomgyu pretended to be blind to it.</p><p>                                                                                         </p><p>(#9)</p><p>for beomgyu, falling in love is never about entrusting your heart for someone who you know would never break it. it is the act or free-falling from hundreds feet above the ground, knowing that it would hurt when the realization hits you. it is giving your heart to someone who you know would break your heart.</p><p>and soobin. soobin did break his heart, alright.</p><p>with every smiles sent towards him, every touch of fingertips against his skin, every time their hands were interlocked, every stolen glances and whispers of his name. with every fracture lines and broken pieces falling from his heart, it made him impossible for him to love someone else with his whole heart.</p><p>that’s the kind of love beomgyu wanted.</p><p>falling in love with soobin was never about the comfort. he wanted it to hurt and soothing at once. every broken lines on his heart would be soothed when soobin kept his palm open for him, ready to take his hand anytime he needed.</p><p>that’s why it hit him hard when soobin stopped reaching out for him.</p><p> </p><p>“choi soobin.”</p><p>it’s the kind of love that makes you reach out, desperately hanging onto a thread of hope.</p><p>for beomgyu, it was shown as his hand gravitated towards soobin’s, just as he watched his back leaving him. his fingers curled around soobin’s pinky finger. a small and insignificant gesture, yet dripping with desperation so profound he could taste it in the air.</p><p>
  <em>is it too late? please don’t let it be too late. </em>
</p><p>it came from every piece of his broken heart, and then travelling up his system to form the words that slipped off his lips.</p><p>“i love you.”</p><p>the words felt foreign on his lips. they spent too much time in the depth of his aching heart, deep-seated and fragile. only as they were turned into concrete words that they gained strength. they became something strong enough to make soobin stop on his tracks.</p><p>“please don’t give up on me.”</p><p>he wanted that boy back. the sixteen years old choi soobin who refused to drop his hand until beomgyu reached out for it. now that he did it, they made a full circle right into the beginning.</p><p>the exception is that this time, this did not end in a handshake and a blossoming friendship. it ended in a confused hum from the elder as he turned around, never taking his hand away from the grip clinging onto his pinky finger, but not returning the gesture either.</p><p>when he did, it was probably because of the look of dejection caused by a forming pout on beomgyu’s lips, causing him to sigh and took both of beomgyu’s smaller hands in his.</p><p>“we are literally dating. stop being dramatic,” he said, stepping closer just to bump his head gently against beomgyu’s.</p><p>that invited a smile to blossom across his lips, bitten back in what appeared to be a mischievous smile. but it was just a way to contain his happiness after the validation he constantly needed. and soobin knew it; that it was not that sixteen years old trainee beomgyu fell in love with, but the leader who always made him reach out.</p><p>and it’s amazing.</p><p>probably even more amazing than the thought of being in the same level as choi yeonjun.</p><p> </p><p>“now, let me go to the bathroom, idiot.”</p>
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